Well, people do get pissed off once in a while, here and there. This time, it was my mum's turn! She was so angry about Geez wanting a pay raise by cutting her own share of pay. She totally have the right to be angry. I would be too if someone wants more pay and cut my share to give herself. Diplomatically put, "You work one day less and I work one day more and get more money." I mean if you had wanted in the first place, why not say it when you first sign the contract? Like, these are the terms you signed to and I am not gonna change cause I have my right too.
Well, seeing my mum working hard, and such a demand was made, I can totally understand it. Everyone wants a little more of something right? A little more of money and rest and etc.
And is totally understandable why Geez wants pay raise. Cause her junior is getting much more pay than her. I'm just wondering..if she was working for another company and is receiving the current amount, will she dare to ask for pay raise? Also, I wonder, if I was the CM and suddenly another branch has a CM with a lower pay, would my mum's partner demand that my pay be the same as the other branch's CM? Well, these are circumstances we do need to think about.
In my mind, I'm thinking. If she is another company, she would not ask. If I was the CM, partner would be dropping obvious subtle hints that my pay should be lower. Haha. I'm being mean am I? Are they that bad?
But past memories, I do remember. I secretly was unhappy with Geez whenever she came to our house to play when we were young. I was happy with me and my sisters. Cause when she came along, I would have to give up my bike for her to play and use the smaller bike, which I have already out grown! And the reason she gave was because she is older and thus needed a bigger bike. And in my mind I was like YOU ARE ONLY A YEAR OLDER! But I can't fight can I? The fact is that she is older. I couldn't enjoy as much as I did with just my sisters. And in my head, I would just tell myself not to think about it.
And eating. We would eat together. Haha. I remember that I would always try my best to eat faster than her to win, so that I could get my bike back and ride it. But most of the time, I would lose..I do eat really slow when I was young. Eating was like work to me. Somehow, I didn't like eating but I guess it was because I didn't know how to swallow the food. Haha. Ok. And even when I do win once in a while, after her food is done, she would get back the bike from me. Sianz. And I would feel like telling her. HELLO! THIS IS MY BIKE! Not Yours! You are suppose to ask if you can borrow at least and I will say no. But I didn't. She would get the bike.
Well, habits do grow with you till you are old. From young, I give in. Didn't fight for rights. And now when I'm old, I give in still. Maybe that made me what I am today. I would like to do something else, but I would give in. And many a times, I give in to people until I have to take the blame.
A perfect example would be, I have to meet A at 5pm. I told B about it. And said I gotta leave at 4pm. (which is already a give in timing I have in my own head when a perfect timing would be 330pm) And as we are out B keeps asking me to stay. And I give in and leave at 430pm. As a result I had to rush like crazy and arrive panting and daze either on time, 5pm or late due to traffic) A is angry and I have been feeling like shit since 4pm because my head has been bombarding me about the timing, and calculating in my mind. And the whole day can be ruin. I have seen myself done that too many a times. I realise that I only know how to fight only when I'm at the corner Like at 430pm. And heck care about A and leave. But before that, I do not know how.
Gotta work on it Shirley. Gotta work on it.
I would really love to help my mum.
At the same time, I have been programming in my head not to take up jobs past 6pm. No weekends. And of course I gave in. Because the kind of job I have is in demand on off-working hours. And finally gave in to working on Monday till 8pm, Sat till 6pm and Friday till 9pm. I'm totally ok with Friday cause Sweet Heart will be busy. And I try my best to fit his timing. But, even after giving in..the boss said he was quite disappointed when I had offered so little. He was expecting me to work All days from 12pm-9pm except Wed (Cause I'm working for my mum) and Sun (Cause I have church and family time)
It sucks when you give in to do a job that you like and someone still says he is disappointed in you. And now, as I'm working, I'm like lucky I wasn't out of my mind to accept that "FULL-TIME" crap. Cause no CPF and If you count the hours, HELLO! It wil still be lesser than what GEEZ is having.
I'd rather work for my mum.
And at the back of my head right now, I'm thinking. What about my cert? It is the reason why I left SWU to join SS in the first place.
What about my secret plans that I'm working right now? If I do work for my mum like for a year at least..would I have the time to fulfill my secret plan? WILL IT EVEN BE EXECUTABLE?
While Geez wants more money at my mum's expense, I do want more money too but not at the expense of my time with Joshua and my SECRET PLAN.
Feel like teeling you all what the SECRET PLAN is but I'm not. That's why is called secret.
If I really do work for my mum. I will be taking another night off from seeing Joshua. BUT. In turn, I will be earning like double of now. With much certainty. (After giving my mum her 500 bucks, which I aim to give by next year)
Hmm, what a Jump it would be.
From "Free Labour" @ SWU (July)
To about possible $300/- plus or minus @ SWU (August)
To about $600/- plus @ SS (September)
To about $1200/- @ LCentral if I take the job and it will be after CPF and after giving my mum her allowance.
4 times a week. Is workable. To get my Secret Plan to work too. Moreover, we have about the same customer base. And I would need a place to do data admin and to get my customers too. No clashes with LCentral.
But my cert. I want my cert! And I will not get it till Nov 1st. And that is if I pass 70%. I sure hope I do. Plus, it means that my SECRET PLAN also need to fast forward a little, since I will be a little more busier once I take up the job.
Do I wanna work this out long long term? Even after Joshua and I have our own house? By then, I would love to have another ambition, which is to start cooking at home so Joshua can feel that he is HOME. Unless, I just cook twice a week. Will it be enough for Joshua? WHAT! I'm just working out the details in my head can..Considering other things too you know. Like stable income is another good factor. Working my mum makes work feels like my own. Not work like now at SS. I do like the kids though.
Argh! But SS may be opening a ICE SKATING rink in Singapore soon! Well, although I don't now how soon it is. I wanna be part of it! I wanna ICE-SKATE! Argh, Shirley, you go and set up your own skating rink when you have the capital next time ba. That would be so cool! When should I put that plan in my life. When I'm 30? What about 29? Hmm, sounds good. Haha, like I have any idea how to. I'm thinking too much right?
Well, maybe Geez never had the intention to quit. She only wants a pay raise. If she had, she would be saying that I will be looking for a job if you don't want to increase my pay. Then maybe all this consideration is for nothing. Well, I know there is a person who may take this job anyway, and also hardworking, not demandind and also, someone, my mum will trust and be happy. Wonder if I suggest this person to my mum, what would she think? Well, think I ask the person first.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sophie Kinsella
Sophie Kinsella. Well you probably heard about her. Of course! You heard of Confessions of a Shopaholic right? The movie that was released recently this year?
Well, I love her books! Some may think is shallow but I do not agree with it. Cause she really sees the world as colourful. And just reading her books make my world colourful too!
I have to admit that I hate reading. Since young. Probably because of the Peter and Jane books we were made to read last time. I always had difficulties reading the books with more words. Moreover, it wasn't interesting at all. Like..Jane is reading a book. And stuff like that. I guess that was how I refrained from reading since then. And of course, my English took a plunge in Upper Primary, Secondary school and General Paper in JC. Each level seemed much more difficult to score, get a average result and eventually pass.
Wondering if I did pass my examinations? Yes I did. But when you are in school, you know that you have to study for maths, chinese, science and all..but when it comes to English, all my friends were like "no need to study!" And I didn't. I didn't know how to study English anyway. My Secondary school teacher just come in to class and talk non-stop about her life..which became my resting period, to relax, in order to focus for the later lessons. Unless, once in a blue moon, we were given Comprehension or Composition to do.
Come JC. Wah seh! I can seriously faint. I didn't know what to write. No more stories. At least in Sec School, I can let my imagination run wild and try my best to describe the story in my head. JC was all about points. Every paper was like a FAIL! Once in a while, I will pass. Well, they keep telling us to read. Read the news, read this and that. But I know for certain that it ain't gonna be fun reading...
UNTIL...my JC classmates were passing around a book, called.."Shopaholic Ties the Knot". I didn't know that there was a series of Shopaholic then. Hearing their comments, I decided to borrow the book from my classmate and get over the warning that was telling me not to read. Soon, I was half way through the book and I finished it! Probably my 1st book read from the beginning to the end..in AGES!
And I guess that was how I managed to pass my GP. From the library, I forced myself to read a book on Globalisation. The topic that I would definitely choose when I sit for my A'level GP examination. To be truthful, it was of extreme boredom to me. But I had no choice. I only had about a few weeks to complete the book on Globalisation on Business, which I eventually found out that it was not Globalisation in general. Wrote down notes, as if studying another subject. Head dizzy and all, writing points and examples which made no sense but would probably make sense to the examiner. And finally I finished. Went back..after days of re-reading, trying to make sense of what I write, and highlighting, memorising the points..and soon, the day before the GP paper came.
Truthfully, it was nerve wreaking. I was squeezing as much info as I can into my head, for the whole day and my back ache, unable to move that night. The thing going through my mind was..what if the topic on Globalisation did not come out? Then what am I gonna write?
And when the paper was given out, I remember, scrolling as fast as I can to find the topic I need. 13 questions I remember, and when I reach midway I was like..OH NO....keep calm. And there it was..The Question on Globalisation, at the bottom. THANK GOD! And started writing before I forget all my points and examples.
After my exams..I totally forget what I wrote, all examples and points deleted from my brain. Ready to squeeze in new information for my other subjects.
I was really taking a risk I must say. It was so much pressure. Probably due to poor choice made when I was JC1, taking up HISTORY! I think I'm crazy..HISTORY! Is not like I love History. I would very much take Geo instead of History. It was like double maths and chemistry and made a drastic change to art, history, econs and maths. I must be out of my mind then. Yup. And I struggled.
History examination was not as bad as GP but still bad. I had to study at least 4 topics to answer 4 questions. But I only studied 3 topics. I really couldn't make sense of the other topics and my mind just refuse to take in any more information. Thus, I went to my exam, with only 3 topics. I remember I kept messaging Isaac to pray for me. And he gave me verses for encouragement, so did JiaLin. And I managed to answer 4 questions. Because there was this last question that involved a mixture of 2 topics and so happenly was the 2 topics that I had studied.
Come to think of it, what if those questions were not in the exam. What could have happen? I never go back to think about it. It was too scary to even think about it. But now, years from then, thinking about it still makes me scared. I still do have nightmares about such exams stuff once in a blue blue blue moon. And had to convince myself that hey! I'm a graduate already LAH!
It must have been God's grace right? The grade BBC is a blessing. Yup. Can't imagine if I had to take A'levels again. When I got my results back, I was so nervous. I told myself that I cannot take the pressure of another A'level. I'd rather go poly instead. And thus, whatever course I can get in Uni, I went. Surprisingly..Theatre Studies Major. Fun. Enjoyable. If I did well and went to business, I don't think I would have enjoyed much more than I did in Theatre Studies. Anyway, I do secretly like acting. Still do.
In University, I've gotten over the fact that I just can't do as well as the others with a flick of a page nor pen. Reading readings was like torture. Even if I did read, I can't remember. Or even if I did, I can't explain well. Didn't like writing papers as well. The years of not reading when I was young did have much impact on my life. I can't read as fast as the rest. Can't retain what I have read in my head while the others can. Like BORN WITH IT!
Well, I know it is not true. The thing in common about them was that they read. They read books. And I simply don't.
Of course, I'm still changing my attitude of reading. After reading the books written by Sophie Kinsella, I think I may have just develop a passion for reading. And I think I do! I think I'm the reading kind of person. Do you know that there is the ballarina that spins round and round and ask on TV if she is turning clockwise or anti-clock..I can only see her turning anti-clock, no matter how hard I try to see her turn clock-wise. And they say that if you see her turning anti-clock, you like to read the news which is absurd for me because I only do read the fashion and gossip part which means I'm suppose to see her turning clock-wise! But I don't. I can't! Well, maybe my secret identity is that I'm a person who reads the news, just that I do not know it yet. Muahaha..Ok.
I'm writing rubbish am I? Well, I'm just writing as I go along. No organization. No planning. Which makes this blog post interesting. Cause both of us have no idea what I'm gonna write next. What I learnt in Theatre Studies is that stories are attention grabbing when people do not know what is gonna happen next and it makes it a fabulous story!
Back to Sophie Kinsella, I just read The Undomestic Goddess! Seriously, do listen to me. I do not think it is a shallow book. She got me reading. She made me see things that I wouldn't normally see in life.
And recently, I have been thinking about money money money. I guess that's what people think when they get to work. Like a system, we go through this process. At this age, this is what we are suppose to do and all. I know. It is not like I'm earning much. But I've been bothered about my job. I keep asking myself, if I had made a right decision. To be working like now, instead of getting a proper office job. And it hit me when the character Samantha said something about What do you mean..that working as a lawyer is a proper job and a house keeper is not? And Guy kept asking her to get back to reality and leave her fantasy world which will not last. Get back to reality. It hit me. Real hard. As a reader, I know full well that if I'm Samantha, I would rather be a house keeper. I would rather stay in my fantasy world then go back to the reality which demands no breaks. Surely I will not earn as much as I would but at least I have my own time, to spend it with someone I love. To take time and take a look around and appreciate my surroundings. And not to rush. I would have the time to do other things and not pay others to do the work for me. I would like to do different things and get the experience and find the different pleasures in them.
And I knew it. I wouldn't want to get the office job. And in time to come, I wouldn't wanna work for someone. I want to set up something that I can call my own. Just like Brandon did and set up his own Brandon Communications. (Shopaholic) That is the satisfaction I would love to have. Something small, yet admired. No expansion. It would be colourful. At the same time, a sense of being relax. (The kind of feeling I get when I go to Pasir Ris Park's little Offroad.)
I'm working on it. While working part-time. =) I mean, my whole life was already about being allocated a studying time and play time. And this time, I would like to allocate the things I'm gonna do myself.
A side note: I miss my friends at SWU. Wonder how they are doing now. I still feel bad for leaving SWU. Friendships that I could have continued building up. It really is funny. The thing about loyalty. I can only see myself being loyal to SWU than to SS. Opps. But! Loyal because there are friends there. At SS..I'm still trying to fit in.
The thing about companies is that they promise customers so many things but they do not have the system nor the manpower to ensure that things are being followed up. It gets a little irritating..LUCKY, my mum's company is not like that. So much difference! Mum's company has the system to back up. Others: dysfunctional system or system unable to support promise. Well, it happens because they keep thinking about doing so many things without realising that they do not have the man-power. Even worse. They do not have the man-power commitment. A new worker will only know so much.
Ok. Enough said. =) What a long post.
Well, I love her books! Some may think is shallow but I do not agree with it. Cause she really sees the world as colourful. And just reading her books make my world colourful too!
I have to admit that I hate reading. Since young. Probably because of the Peter and Jane books we were made to read last time. I always had difficulties reading the books with more words. Moreover, it wasn't interesting at all. Like..Jane is reading a book. And stuff like that. I guess that was how I refrained from reading since then. And of course, my English took a plunge in Upper Primary, Secondary school and General Paper in JC. Each level seemed much more difficult to score, get a average result and eventually pass.
Wondering if I did pass my examinations? Yes I did. But when you are in school, you know that you have to study for maths, chinese, science and all..but when it comes to English, all my friends were like "no need to study!" And I didn't. I didn't know how to study English anyway. My Secondary school teacher just come in to class and talk non-stop about her life..which became my resting period, to relax, in order to focus for the later lessons. Unless, once in a blue moon, we were given Comprehension or Composition to do.
Come JC. Wah seh! I can seriously faint. I didn't know what to write. No more stories. At least in Sec School, I can let my imagination run wild and try my best to describe the story in my head. JC was all about points. Every paper was like a FAIL! Once in a while, I will pass. Well, they keep telling us to read. Read the news, read this and that. But I know for certain that it ain't gonna be fun reading...
UNTIL...my JC classmates were passing around a book, called.."Shopaholic Ties the Knot". I didn't know that there was a series of Shopaholic then. Hearing their comments, I decided to borrow the book from my classmate and get over the warning that was telling me not to read. Soon, I was half way through the book and I finished it! Probably my 1st book read from the beginning to the end..in AGES!
And I guess that was how I managed to pass my GP. From the library, I forced myself to read a book on Globalisation. The topic that I would definitely choose when I sit for my A'level GP examination. To be truthful, it was of extreme boredom to me. But I had no choice. I only had about a few weeks to complete the book on Globalisation on Business, which I eventually found out that it was not Globalisation in general. Wrote down notes, as if studying another subject. Head dizzy and all, writing points and examples which made no sense but would probably make sense to the examiner. And finally I finished. Went back..after days of re-reading, trying to make sense of what I write, and highlighting, memorising the points..and soon, the day before the GP paper came.
Truthfully, it was nerve wreaking. I was squeezing as much info as I can into my head, for the whole day and my back ache, unable to move that night. The thing going through my mind was..what if the topic on Globalisation did not come out? Then what am I gonna write?
And when the paper was given out, I remember, scrolling as fast as I can to find the topic I need. 13 questions I remember, and when I reach midway I was like..OH NO....keep calm. And there it was..The Question on Globalisation, at the bottom. THANK GOD! And started writing before I forget all my points and examples.
After my exams..I totally forget what I wrote, all examples and points deleted from my brain. Ready to squeeze in new information for my other subjects.
I was really taking a risk I must say. It was so much pressure. Probably due to poor choice made when I was JC1, taking up HISTORY! I think I'm crazy..HISTORY! Is not like I love History. I would very much take Geo instead of History. It was like double maths and chemistry and made a drastic change to art, history, econs and maths. I must be out of my mind then. Yup. And I struggled.
History examination was not as bad as GP but still bad. I had to study at least 4 topics to answer 4 questions. But I only studied 3 topics. I really couldn't make sense of the other topics and my mind just refuse to take in any more information. Thus, I went to my exam, with only 3 topics. I remember I kept messaging Isaac to pray for me. And he gave me verses for encouragement, so did JiaLin. And I managed to answer 4 questions. Because there was this last question that involved a mixture of 2 topics and so happenly was the 2 topics that I had studied.
Come to think of it, what if those questions were not in the exam. What could have happen? I never go back to think about it. It was too scary to even think about it. But now, years from then, thinking about it still makes me scared. I still do have nightmares about such exams stuff once in a blue blue blue moon. And had to convince myself that hey! I'm a graduate already LAH!
It must have been God's grace right? The grade BBC is a blessing. Yup. Can't imagine if I had to take A'levels again. When I got my results back, I was so nervous. I told myself that I cannot take the pressure of another A'level. I'd rather go poly instead. And thus, whatever course I can get in Uni, I went. Surprisingly..Theatre Studies Major. Fun. Enjoyable. If I did well and went to business, I don't think I would have enjoyed much more than I did in Theatre Studies. Anyway, I do secretly like acting. Still do.
In University, I've gotten over the fact that I just can't do as well as the others with a flick of a page nor pen. Reading readings was like torture. Even if I did read, I can't remember. Or even if I did, I can't explain well. Didn't like writing papers as well. The years of not reading when I was young did have much impact on my life. I can't read as fast as the rest. Can't retain what I have read in my head while the others can. Like BORN WITH IT!
Well, I know it is not true. The thing in common about them was that they read. They read books. And I simply don't.
Of course, I'm still changing my attitude of reading. After reading the books written by Sophie Kinsella, I think I may have just develop a passion for reading. And I think I do! I think I'm the reading kind of person. Do you know that there is the ballarina that spins round and round and ask on TV if she is turning clockwise or anti-clock..I can only see her turning anti-clock, no matter how hard I try to see her turn clock-wise. And they say that if you see her turning anti-clock, you like to read the news which is absurd for me because I only do read the fashion and gossip part which means I'm suppose to see her turning clock-wise! But I don't. I can't! Well, maybe my secret identity is that I'm a person who reads the news, just that I do not know it yet. Muahaha..Ok.
I'm writing rubbish am I? Well, I'm just writing as I go along. No organization. No planning. Which makes this blog post interesting. Cause both of us have no idea what I'm gonna write next. What I learnt in Theatre Studies is that stories are attention grabbing when people do not know what is gonna happen next and it makes it a fabulous story!
Back to Sophie Kinsella, I just read The Undomestic Goddess! Seriously, do listen to me. I do not think it is a shallow book. She got me reading. She made me see things that I wouldn't normally see in life.
And recently, I have been thinking about money money money. I guess that's what people think when they get to work. Like a system, we go through this process. At this age, this is what we are suppose to do and all. I know. It is not like I'm earning much. But I've been bothered about my job. I keep asking myself, if I had made a right decision. To be working like now, instead of getting a proper office job. And it hit me when the character Samantha said something about What do you mean..that working as a lawyer is a proper job and a house keeper is not? And Guy kept asking her to get back to reality and leave her fantasy world which will not last. Get back to reality. It hit me. Real hard. As a reader, I know full well that if I'm Samantha, I would rather be a house keeper. I would rather stay in my fantasy world then go back to the reality which demands no breaks. Surely I will not earn as much as I would but at least I have my own time, to spend it with someone I love. To take time and take a look around and appreciate my surroundings. And not to rush. I would have the time to do other things and not pay others to do the work for me. I would like to do different things and get the experience and find the different pleasures in them.
And I knew it. I wouldn't want to get the office job. And in time to come, I wouldn't wanna work for someone. I want to set up something that I can call my own. Just like Brandon did and set up his own Brandon Communications. (Shopaholic) That is the satisfaction I would love to have. Something small, yet admired. No expansion. It would be colourful. At the same time, a sense of being relax. (The kind of feeling I get when I go to Pasir Ris Park's little Offroad.)
I'm working on it. While working part-time. =) I mean, my whole life was already about being allocated a studying time and play time. And this time, I would like to allocate the things I'm gonna do myself.
A side note: I miss my friends at SWU. Wonder how they are doing now. I still feel bad for leaving SWU. Friendships that I could have continued building up. It really is funny. The thing about loyalty. I can only see myself being loyal to SWU than to SS. Opps. But! Loyal because there are friends there. At SS..I'm still trying to fit in.
The thing about companies is that they promise customers so many things but they do not have the system nor the manpower to ensure that things are being followed up. It gets a little irritating..LUCKY, my mum's company is not like that. So much difference! Mum's company has the system to back up. Others: dysfunctional system or system unable to support promise. Well, it happens because they keep thinking about doing so many things without realising that they do not have the man-power. Even worse. They do not have the man-power commitment. A new worker will only know so much.
Ok. Enough said. =) What a long post.
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