windchime is giving a headache!!!

Is not that the wind is blowing and the windchimes are making a lot of noises but it is the making..seriously, i still have no idea how am i gonna make it! and i have been doing and trying out experiments but they are still not up to my satisfaction so that's why lah....haiz.. these are my materials..beads!

made into strings..

Iz working away..haha..today we worl OT cause things cannot finish only left at 630p.m wah seh! so tiring..

well..i'm not playing with the beads alright i'm thinking of the design so must out on the table nice nice in order..understand?

the structure of the windchime is the worse part. the part i always fail..in my experiments. it is so disappointing..i thought i would be able to publish the nice windchime tonight! but..the structure..argh!!!

So the strings are still strings..haiz..dont worry although now is like quite late, i'm still working on it.. hope to get it done. i'm seriously serious.

tata.

Why am i a girl?

I have a burning question in me for a long long long time..Why am i a girl? I mean do i really have a purpose for being a girl? i always seem to think that i can handle being a boy but perhaps maybe i can't. Can i? Imagine if i were to be a boy...


Oh yar and the doorgift thingy is giving me a headache cause of new ideas popping into my head and just figuring out how to piece the things together. Oh yar in case you do not know i'm 'making' a windchime. Mini.


Does this look good? it should look something like that. i think..haha..dont knoe how it will work out.

sore feet.

Sore feet for today. Went shopping like from 1145 all the way till 6p.m and i was walking with heels but not the high one of course if not i think my leg broken already. anyway it was great meeting Jeanette. Long time didnt see her le..cause she went to Germany to study..and i got a few presents from her!!!hehe..

Well, we went to spotlight to get her cloth and ribbons for the wedding. don't worry it is not us getting married but church mate. After that we were scouting for a dress that cost 20bucks as revealed by my baby. but the problem is that i have no clue how the dress look like at all..and not sure where to find it. so i got 8days which is where baby said the dress is. but it was the new issue!!argh..waste my money. never mind can read some gossips and stuff..and i sms baby. It was after sometime that we realized that it was from bodynits and the dress is green with vertical strips...and can be found at suntec city!

Without further ado, we headed there. (Joseph works there too) Joseph is Jeanette's boyfriend by the way. J & J. And guess what! he treated us to lunch at Crystal Jade. But trust me i was all out and ready to pay just that he rejected and i can't pass the money to Jeanette if not he would scold her. Right Jeanette?

Right after lunch and 'sending Joseph back to his office..we went straight for bodynits. The dress to me was unexpected. It was not gorgeous to me and it look pretty dull i must say. No wonder until now, i havent gotten anything at all from bodynits. But i'm sure someday someday, it will come out with a design that will attract me. Someday..

We went to numerous shops in suntec and Marina Square to try on dresses. The aim for today. To get a dress. Oh we met cheryl 'on the way' and the 3 of us went shopping..cheryl as in Joseph sis not mine. Well, there is this black dress from topshop that cost 73 bucks that i really like out of the many i tried on. Maybe baby and i can pop down there to check it out when he books out. Argh! This reminds me! He is going to Taiwan on Sunday!!!!! This is so depressing. We are like hardly in Singapore together for a lot of time. For the time he went to Brunei, Thailand and i in Malaysia and now..Taiwan..and when he comes back, my school will be starting soon! Just great. So much so for 3 months holiday..

Back to the point..the dress. the problem is that it is plain black..and i like need more variety of colours for dress cause for all i know, all my dresses are in black or white..i mean..i needa spice up the colours in my wardrobe!!!

In the end, instead of buying a dress, i got myself a star earring and 3 bracelets..which the total adds up to 1.95 bucks. You must be saying "YOU ARE SO BLUFFING!" the truth, i'm not. Let me tell you why..

The story is this. We were at this shop that sells earrings. 3 for 5 bucks. so i pick a pair and Jeanette got 2. But in the end she paid for me w/o letting me pay for it. She said "buy 2 get 1 free". yar so she paid. Now as for te 3 bracelets. I'm still pretty puzzled at this moment still. cause i thought i saw 3 for 10 bucks. and so i gave the shop keeper 10 bucks and left the shop. After a few steps, she came 'running' to me saying "no is 3 for 1.95. you forgot your change" so i took it. but really how can 3 bracelet cost 1.95 bucks? i'm confused.

Anyway my total cost for today including topping up ezlink card is 13.95. Yupz. : )

Dance today was good!! Although i was late again. I cant understand. I just don't. I was late yesterday because i waited really long for the bus and only left the bus stop at 7.20p.m. so today, i made myself leave my house earlier and i took the earlier bus at 7.10p.m and i still reach emmanuel hall the same time. i really dont get it! must i leave my house at 6.45p.m instead of 6.55p.m???like that i'm taking 45 min to reach aljunied mrt station which is truely ridiculous cause the ride should be only like 15-20min!!! Oh well..

So i got home, had dinner, showered and gave cheryl, my sis this time..a bracelet. And guess what's her reaction?? " er jie, How come you so nice?" Seriously, am i always not nice to her?! ok.. i only buy her presents once in a blue moon like b'day and christmas or when i go holiday..does that make me not nice???Seriously and now i give her a bracelet..she is shocked. Oh well..is ok de..i mean if she give me something i guess my reaction would be similar like..what do you want from me..it is my family lah. We dont practice the love language of giving..gifts so it is pretty natural..looks like we gotta do this more often. oh but that means spending more money! nah is ok..just a little here and there.

That reminds me! my parents birthday are around the corner. hmm..now, celebration plan??Anyone any ideas?

1st John 4:16-18

Just really wanna out this down.

1st John 4: 16-18.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
In this way, love is made complete in us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

My self confidence issue

As i'm like looking through the camp photos lots of things went through my head. And while i'm chatting w Josh online..telling my probs..
Cause if i were to say my life is splendid or perfect, i'm lying. Partly by writing this down, i hope to push out all those thoughts that are affecting me and at the same time, see all my problems and be able to find a solution. Hope i will tonight. For i have a dateline to meet. It would be unfair to pass my burden to others when knowing that they have other burden in army and all..so God help me.

but just let me show you the photos first alright...no rush in putting down my thoughts yet.

you only see capture moments of happiness. no one would wanna capture moments of saddness but in the midst of it all, something in me is burning..that would stab my heart at times.

it's been a while since i oen down my deep thoughts. you knoe there is this someone that i feel inferior to. Have you had that problem before? It is really hard to explain why and when you really truely wanna it to stop, it will root in deeper and tear whatever you've got in there. Practically taking everything you have out. you feel stripped-your best oufit can become disastrous at that instant, left in the cold, isolated, where your voice can no longer be heard where you diminish into practically nothing. Have you had that kind of feeling? and at that very moment you would just wish that the sun would rise, the clovers will grow, the rainbow will stretch over the skies saying, you are enough. you are beautiful. Where you can run and be free, where love dwells. Having a comforting hug and that me will become me again.

Clovers. you know why clovers? they are said to be common. nothing special compared to roses, sunflowers etc. they are not the stars of the garden. Clovers are stepped on without much thought while flowers are given special treatment from the others. But i have learnt that they are the ones that makes the garden beautiful. Imagine a garden w/o clovers just soil and dirt..and some flowers growing..how can a garden be make beautiful?

well, just as Josh said.
josh says:
i feel tt when u bring God into the picture..things kinda seems less worryable
josh says:
and u just wanna thank God
josh says:
for everything

You know there are many times when i do wish i was taller, prettier, fairer, like those precious roses. where people would spend some time admiring them, their scent, their petals. i struggle to be a clover because that is not who i wanna be. i struggle to be who i am. i struggle because i feel inferior. i struggle because i do not wanna be me. Being a girl is such a struggle. Sometimes i do wish i was a boy. i dont do what girls do. i dont belong up there. i belong to the groung near the roots. not like roses that rise high above the ground.

And as i reflect upon the photos, i realize that i'm a clover. i'm not a boy. i'm a girl. i am who i am. And when you bring God into the picture, you just wanna thank God for everything.