My self confidence issue

As i'm like looking through the camp photos lots of things went through my head. And while i'm chatting w Josh online..telling my probs..
Cause if i were to say my life is splendid or perfect, i'm lying. Partly by writing this down, i hope to push out all those thoughts that are affecting me and at the same time, see all my problems and be able to find a solution. Hope i will tonight. For i have a dateline to meet. It would be unfair to pass my burden to others when knowing that they have other burden in army and all..so God help me.

but just let me show you the photos first alright...no rush in putting down my thoughts yet.

you only see capture moments of happiness. no one would wanna capture moments of saddness but in the midst of it all, something in me is burning..that would stab my heart at times.

it's been a while since i oen down my deep thoughts. you knoe there is this someone that i feel inferior to. Have you had that problem before? It is really hard to explain why and when you really truely wanna it to stop, it will root in deeper and tear whatever you've got in there. Practically taking everything you have out. you feel stripped-your best oufit can become disastrous at that instant, left in the cold, isolated, where your voice can no longer be heard where you diminish into practically nothing. Have you had that kind of feeling? and at that very moment you would just wish that the sun would rise, the clovers will grow, the rainbow will stretch over the skies saying, you are enough. you are beautiful. Where you can run and be free, where love dwells. Having a comforting hug and that me will become me again.

Clovers. you know why clovers? they are said to be common. nothing special compared to roses, sunflowers etc. they are not the stars of the garden. Clovers are stepped on without much thought while flowers are given special treatment from the others. But i have learnt that they are the ones that makes the garden beautiful. Imagine a garden w/o clovers just soil and dirt..and some flowers growing..how can a garden be make beautiful?

well, just as Josh said.
josh says:
i feel tt when u bring God into the picture..things kinda seems less worryable
josh says:
and u just wanna thank God
josh says:
for everything

You know there are many times when i do wish i was taller, prettier, fairer, like those precious roses. where people would spend some time admiring them, their scent, their petals. i struggle to be a clover because that is not who i wanna be. i struggle to be who i am. i struggle because i feel inferior. i struggle because i do not wanna be me. Being a girl is such a struggle. Sometimes i do wish i was a boy. i dont do what girls do. i dont belong up there. i belong to the groung near the roots. not like roses that rise high above the ground.

And as i reflect upon the photos, i realize that i'm a clover. i'm not a boy. i'm a girl. i am who i am. And when you bring God into the picture, you just wanna thank God for everything.