And..i got b- for a fun thai module. But thai module is more than just a b-. I got new friends, had fun and a relaxing time during the past semester.
And i just found out tt someone took a shot of me while i was asleep. not really just resting..during the rehearsal..and Even gave me a black and white one! haha, i know i look good when im asleep. And yar you got me..but really donthave to give me so much attention. I was sick by the way..haha
Also b- for acting for the screen. Hmm, looks like i can't really act. haha..well, will work on it.
B for stage and screen, quite happy with it cause open book and not much stuff to do also..haha
And lastly A for marketin for the ARTS!! I'm really happy about this. And i deserve this! haha, ok cause my group members and i really worked hard for this. like seriously. like super duper and we were like we better get A and stuff.
So anyway, i'm even working for Mr. Bottle. All started out from the Mr. Bottle project. marketing for one of his ideas, which im not sure when will happen. haha Thank you marketing group mates, dearest fenling, sonja and jun. We did it!! Yup! A plus good friends and can work closely with good team work.
Is good to listen to other people, especially with experience and their stories. Add new perspective to what you see and add hope when you are feeling down the most. Like to hear stories from my mummy. Since she is my mummy, so the way we may handle things may be pretty similar
To love is to cherish, even if its not gonna be forever.
I do not like how the way things turn out. I hate it. I'm beginning to despise myself. Above all these, my heart is not taking this well. Literally too. Has been beating extremely hard for the whole time. Ever since i started to read the past. Of how i wished that we will always be together That you are the one who makes me feel like i'm the most xing fu girl in the world. Always wanting to be by yourside.
Just one of the simple prayer i wrote before in the past. Dearest Lord, I pray that Leroy would not feel pressurized. To find the need to match up with X in any way cause we both know that Leroy is way better than X. For it matters not the material things but rather the heart in which is what I look for. And Lord, I do feel xing fu with Leroy. And even if I need to support him and work in the future while he becomes the 'housewife' I'm willing. Also I wanna thank You for him and I seek for your blessings in this relationship. That I may be that fun-loving, understanding and caring partner supporting him. Though this may seem to be like a bit of a rush with the wrong timing, Heavenly Father, deep down..there is no such a thing and thus I can now say genuinely and believing in it that I love Leroy. No need for comparison cause as this love continues to unfold, it will become obvious and certain of the depth of that unique love. Thank You for giving Leroy the gift of being able to make simple things meaningful and special. Cause that is all that I ask for. Not luxaries. Thank you for giving me a relationship with hope and a future.
That was the prayer I made. Written in one of my diaries. And I'm thinking right now, if Leroy is the one given.."a relationship with hope and a future", then what am I doing with it now? When i'm definitely certain at that point in time when i wrote it, I believed it with my whole heart. Whole heartedly. (Don't mind me i'm just really thinking right now as i'm writing) Or was I overwhemed by feelings at that point in time? Can't be. I believed it with my whole heart. And right now? "What am I doing?" is the most common phrase I have been using. If the past is an advice to what I should do now, what should I do now? Cause I"m feeling worse than ever. I have let myself down. At least the one of the past. I don't approve of what I'm doing. Will God approve of what I"m doing? Cause I don't approve of it. I can't take it anymore. How did I land up like this? I don't trust myself anymore.
Everthing is wrong. One can't continue if she believes that she is in the wrong. I have officially gone mad. I cannot carry on anymore. I'm tired.
Time will not wait. You need to carry on girl. Don't just push yourself. Find another way. Another way?
What way?
You know what's the best thing? Is to be buddies with everyone. That will be the best thing. For things to take off from there. That will be the best thing. This will be the best way.
This will be the best way.
Don't depend on yourself anymore. Depend on your friends. Depend on your family. Depend on God.
Kara says he hope tt daddy and mumy will be back together. Mummy says that she will try. Kara is concern cause mummy haven been sleeping nor waking up well. Initially, daddy was pressuring mummy. But since yesterday, mummy realised that daddy has changed in the way he approached things. Mummy got worried cause she was afraid that daddy is bottling up all his emotions. Mummy is concern. The last thing mummy wants to do is to hurt daddy. Kara will listen to daddy to be here to support and take care of mummy. Daddy...
Argh, girl, stop pressuring yourself can. Be focus remember? Then what about others? Then what about yourself? I'm not important. You sure? What about all the hope and effort I had in the past? Are you the same person? Sucks! I hate this. I know you do. This will be my last girlfriend boyfriend relationship. Whether it work out or not. You are just tired. I don't believe in it anymore. I know you don't.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Still under construction but i do feel a little like.. Give me time to finish this blog skin. although i have no idea what im doing. May take a really long while.
Just wanna remind myself to remember the reasons why i did the things nvm
I'm sorry babe. For sticking with it. Even though you said that it is a stupid thing and wanna call it off but it still doesn't change the fact that you thought of it. Which already proves doubt in you.
Plus, funny thing i had only decide to stick with it and felt for the need and decided as i pen down my decision only yesterday afternoon. If it was just a little earlier, only if it was earlier, i would have agreed. This timing thing. This whole episode. But i still wish that we would work for the better of this. yup.
WooHoo! I know this feeling although not as much as i expected too but just tt i can enjoy without the exams bugging me.
Well, as for the previous thing. I have to make a decision by today. And you know...I have decided to just accept it. like like tt. Without letting it bother me..haha
I do...ok im like listening to power 98 and they are playing the 98 degrees song i do cherish you..haha
so people call me out!!! before i start to work..like soon? haha..ok i'm talking rubbish dont mind me hahaha......
Whatever i'm bloggin. may not make sense but as long as it makes sense to me is ok
I'm just lost for words? No. Cause i really need to blog now before my head explodes. Can't sleep the whole night. Have been tossing around. Bombarded with thoughts and i just figure that i really need to put all the thoughts down so i can study in piece later.. Should have blogged before i went to sleep but..it was already quite late.
Anyway, i drank a little, and puke a little when i got home. Teared a little when no one sees. But i don't wanna be that girl who cries. Who says: "Don't do this to me. Why are you doing this to me?" Told myself to be strong and how do i say this. Suck it up!
Before a call, wasn't interested in drinkin at all but after a call, think i just kept drinkin. To keep myself occupied. PLayed dice game and cards and sing KTV. Yeah. And i ate lots of ice cubes cause i kept losing.
But anyway, my status has changed..? Break but not break off. Attached? i can't say too. Time out? Dating? 2 ways of thinking. One i have lost my rightful place? Two, it is gonna be like the days when we were dating? Ok. There will be 2 outcomes basically. Pretty obvious. I've calculated the maths. 2nd Nov 2008 is the deadline when this transition phase will finally end
It is a pretty long way. 6 months. Gosh. Just like you requested. Time for you to answer untold questions. Do the things we want to do..? (Am i restricting you?) 3 years is unpredictable and you dont wanna me to waste my uni away To get a feel of your life w/o me to treasure me?
You know what? I totally understand. I get it. Just that when i ask myself 'will it be worth it?' My thoughts cease. I have no answer. I will just see how long i can take it. As for now, I'm fine. I'm taking this well. For now.
I was reading through Daniel's blog. OK i know i'm suppose to be studying but, it is just a peak!
And he mentioned about Bye Bye by Mariah Carey so i went to check it out.
This is for my peoples Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man or your lady Put your hand way up high We will never say bye No, no, no
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers Friends and cousins This is for my peoples Who lost their grandmothers Lift your head to the sky Cause we will never say bye
As a child there were them times I didn't get it But you kept me in line I didn't know why You didn't show up sometimes On Sunday mornings and I missed you But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things Separation brings You never let me know it You never let it show Because you loved me and obviously There's so much more left to say If you were with me today Face to face
I never knew I could hurt like this And everyday life goes on I wish I could talk to you for a while Miss you but I try not to cry As time goes by
And it's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world to see your face And be right here next to you But it's like you're gone too soon Now the hardest thing to do is say
You never got a chance to see How good I've done And you never got to See me back at number one I wish that you were here To celebrate together I wish that we could Spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to Tuck me in at night With the teddy bear you gave me That I held so tight I thought you were so strong You'd make it through whatever It's so hard to accept the fact You're gone forever
I never knew I could hurt like this And everyday life goes on I wish I could talk to you for a while Miss you but I try not to cry As time goes by
And it's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world to see your face And be right here next to you But it's like you're gone too soon Now the hardest thing to do is say
This is for my peoples Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man or your lady Put your hand way up high We will never say bye
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers Friends and cousins This is for my peoples Who lost their grandmothers Lift your head to the sky Cause we will never say bye, bye.
I never knew I could hurt like this And everyday life goes on I wish I could talk to you for a while Miss you but I try not to cry As time goes by
And it's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world to see your face And be right here next to you But it's like you're gone too soon Now the hardest thing to do is say
Verse 1 See I'm Going Through A Situation That I Can't Help Wanna Get A Little Closer But I Promised Myself That I Would Never Give My Heart A Away Again Oo Oo Babe
I Know It's Hard Butcha Gotta Understand It The Truth Is All The Hurt And The Pain And The Shit That You Get When You Have It Ain't Worth It I've Been There So Many Times I Should Know Better But I Can't Stop What I Feel When You're Next To Me I Really Think I
Chorus Finally Found Somebody That Could Be The One But I Promised Myself That I Wouldn't Give In To Love And I'm Scared And I'm Nervous Don't Wanna Be Hurt Anymore This Is Bad Cause I Know That You're The One
Repeat
(Baby You're The One)
Verse 2 See The Problem With Relationships In General Is That It's Always A Game In The Beginning They'll Do Anything To Have You And Once They Do It's Never The Same And I, Know Everyone Out There Can Relate So The Question Is One: Do I Really Wanna Trust This Feeling Two: Do I Wanna Let It Pass Me By Three: Do You Think It's Only Superficial Four: Could It Actually Be Different This Time Someone To Love Me Someone To Be My Everything Maybe I've Stumbled Upon
Chorus Finally Found Somebody (The Only One) That Could Be The One But I Promised Myself That I Wouldn't Give In To Love (No, No) And I'm Scared And I'm Nervous (I Just Don't Wanna Be Hurt) Don't Wanna Be Hurt Anymore This Is Bad Cause I Know That You're The One (But Boy I Think You Might Be The One) Finally Found Somebody Could Be The One (Maybe I've Found) But I Promised Myself That I Wouldn't Give In To Love And I'm Scared And I'm Nervous (Boy I'm So Afraid) Don't Wanna Be Hurt Anymore This Is Bad Cause I Know That You're The One (Cause I Know You're The One)
Guitar Solo
Oh Baby Sweet Darling I I Think I Finally Found Finally Found Somebody (The Only One) That Could Be The One But I Promised Myself That I Wouldn't Give In To Love And I'm Scared And I'm Nervous (No) Don't Wanna Be Hurt Anymore (I Don't Wanna Be Hurt No More) This Is Bad Cause I Know That You're The One (But I Think You Might Really Be The One) Finally Found Somebody Could Be The One But I Promised Myself (Finally Found) That I Wouldn't Give In To Love (I Promised Myself Not To Give In) And I'm Scared And I'm Nervous This Is Bad (Anymore This Is Bad) Don't Wanna Be Hurt Anymore This Is Bad Cause I Know That You're The One (Cause I Know You're The One)
Finally Found Somebody
Could Be The One (I Finally Found Somebody That Could Be The One) But I Promised Myself (But I Promised Myself That I Wouldn't Give In To Love) That I Wouldn't Give In To Love And I'm Scared (And I'm Scared) And I'm Nervous (And I'm Nervous) Don't Wanna Be Hurt Anymore This Is Bad Cause I Know That You're The One (Please,Please Baby Baby)
