The Problem is ME.

OK. Lets skip the outrageous dream I had. I can't even identify my gender. Missing lover's things..have 2 girls with a crush on me..people getting possessed...It is just messy.

What I want to say is the faults of Me. It is hard admitting it. But I'm sure lots of people know about it. And I have been so procrastinating about admitting it till last night. Damn it. OK..mind my words.

Is about me losing control of myself all the time.

In my first relationship..why am I talking about it? Well, I had to do some categorising of my post and have to glance through them. Might as well admit my mistakes..since I want my old post to stay..Why let it stay in my blog and run away from it?

In my first relationship..Which I state still, was a complete mightmare..disaster..Right from the beginning. But get to the point alright. Midway..I get clingy to R. What I expect was unconsiderate. Come to think about it. While I gave all my free time to R = Time after school and lots of sleep.., I expect R to do the same. And this means that both of us, other than each other, have no time to meet friends..etc..You know, when you close up your world..you, I become narrow minded. Become self-centered which really leads to paranoia. So problems..many problems start to surface. But this is one of the few root problems. Ended. I'm so glad!

In my 2nd relationship, which was a relationship of dream come true, with my crush..then..Improved a little. Maybe he was my crush so I let him have his way and also there was the army factor, that really didn't give him much time. And there was the part of me wanting to be a fun-loving understanding girlfriend. So..the improvement was, I would let him do what he wants with his free time. Meet with friends etc, while I on my part, keep my time free whenever he books out of camp. whether or not we say we are gonna meet or not. So sometimes, when we do not meet, I get bored. But it wasn't that bad as because of his army travels..I would be meeting my friends and going out. Though my world was not as closed up as the first, it was still closed up.

I must say the only time I open up my world was when I'm transiting from one relationship to another. Why? Because it is only during that time, I did not let my partner take first priority and I put myself first. And I didn't care how they feel. And only meet them when I do wanna meet them..Unlike in the first relationship..even upon going to his place..I ask myself, " Why am I even going? I have no mood to go..."Plus school was taking its toil on me. Still, I went. Whatever..

Now in this relationship. Definitely there is going to be timing clashes. Especially my work. As much as i do not want it to happen. But that really isn't the problem. The problem is still that..I wouldn't feel like meeting my friends (Sorry about it..) when Joshua is free. It is this thing that I have been practising that got stucked with me. Which Is totally bad. Because, I can see my world is beginning to narrow down and I do not want that to happen. And I know. I so know where this path will take me. It will make me clingy to Joshua. It will get me self-centered..becoming so much more emotional and paranoid. And I do not want that. What's wrong with me that I can't say "Hey! I'm meeting my friends on blah blah day at what time. Is it ok?" And he will say "Yeah it is ok." The thing is I don't ask. I will try to schedule in a way that it wouldn't clash with Joshua then I will tell him.

Darnz...But you know..things happen. This friday's meeting with the girls. there is a clash. Unexpected one. Usually Joshua has his cell group thingy going on. But in the end..not this week. Oh well..That's life. Unpredictable. Well, cause, I'm force to confront this issue. After many years. I really do not want nor need another relationship to figure this out. I'm gonna use this one to figure it out. Cause I do wanna be with Joshua. OK.

GOtta go.

Idea for a Date.

To all..If you have ran out of ideas on what "special" things to do on a date, here is a suggestion. =)
A SteamBoat at Home. Who says that you have to go out for a SteamBoat? Just be sure which room of your house you are having your steamboat.

Preparation:
1. People
2. A Electric Multi Cooker from Takada (So that you can do other forms of cooking as well if steamboat does not appeal to you)
3. Food Ingredients (We had fishballs, tofu, crab sticks, vegetables, noodles, mushrooms and dumplings and apple juice) *Do not buy in bulk if it is just the 2 of you!
4. Utensils
5. Table
6. A location (We picked my bedroom..)
7. A TV. (Optional) We watched Spiderman 3 showing on channel 5.

You may think that it is a bad idea to have it in the bedroom because it will stink up the whole place. Even your pillow and your favourite blanket. And Yup it did! But thanks for a thing called the Ionizer! It removes all smell!
Tadah!

Boiling with great aroma!
A note.
Well, you will need to be mentally prepared that a meal like this would cost as much as eating out in some fast food restaurant. On top of that! You will stink up and have to do all the cleaning of the dishes after your meal! Personally, I do not suggest the bedroom. If you have another small TV room, that would be a better option. Nonetheless, it is a experience for both Joshua and I. Just need to make sure that both party are agreeable to the idea..Not everyone will want to do this.

OK! I need to go to work le! Maths tuition to my favourite kids! And a little something..Oh! They love the Christmas present I gave them! Wee!

Thank you Sweet Heart for a wonderful night. =) Enjoyed myself!

Unexpected New Year

Happy New Year to all! Hope that your Countdown Celebration was Great! BUT! May the year of 2010 be of great blessings and a fulfilling one. =)

Well, I had a unexpected year 2010 on the second day. Which is today. The first voice I heard was my mum, saying "Tong ah.." Now, that is uncommon. Common only when she wants me to do something. For today's request was to go and work...

Naturally, I was unwilling and didn't want to answer her at all. She took my silence as a YES. That's for being a daughter. Thankfully, Joshua was understanding about the situation and even drove me to work, and bought Lunch for ME! Char Kuay Teow and Coconut Drink. So, I'm happy! I'm bless!

Right now, Joshua is buying beef Kuay Teow for me! For Dinner! I love you Joshua! =)

Work was alright. Administrative stuff. It was good. I had a chat with a few parents. Found out things I still need to work on. And Still in love with Joshua. I just can't bear the idea of the days when I have to work every Saturday. Then..we will be having lesser time together. So, I hope that for this year, as Joshua and I, though we may be having lesser time together, we the time that we share together will be so much more meaningful, treasured and for us to grow as a couple. =) This is my hope.

I do too want to go for a Mission Trip this year. Bring Joy to people around me. Bring someone to Christ.

This is my hope for my life. (And eventually, to have better working hours)

So for updates, Christmas Eve.

I love this shot. Well, Joshua is with his iPod Touch like now. =) Its his favourite toy!
And took some photos from Orchard and Man! It was crowded!
Christmas. We went to Joshua's grandma's house. And there was Wii to play with. Its fun and enjoyable. Something simple. Haha..
Just in case you are wondering what game they are playing..

I had my hair pinned up again before to my own grandma's house.
Back view. How did I do it? Well, I don't really have an idea. I just twist my hair. Hold it with my hands and used pins to pin it up so it stays in place. Waiting for the day when I can do a high bun up!

New Year's Eve. =) Dolled up for a special day. Well, Joshua looks extremely charming in his new Jacket too!
We ended up at Cine after getting his long awaited blues driver for his electric guitar..and ate at a new fast food restaurant. Haha..
Opps. Sorry. Forgot to take photo of the food. It is extremely filling. Do note: Do not wear tight clothing if you want to eat there. My tummy was ahhemmm..after the meal.
Went back home before our church services and Joshua immediately began exploring with his new found effects..Blues Driver that will give a warm creamy sound.(In blue) And FAB Distortion. (In red)
New Year's Day! Went to town and we saw Mich! The celeb with her hubby! At Taka. Haha, that's the first thing that came to mind.
Simplist most common way of me picking clothes is to wear a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. Done. Slept really late the day before. My skin really needs a break. So no make-up on.
But Joshua brought me to Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao, La Mian..To eat! YUM YUM!

I love the dessert. Ok. I really wanna company Joshua right now. =)

Thank You Sweet Heart for DINNER!

Christmas is Coming! This 2009!

Can't believe I didn't blog about this. I left the photo in the SD card without transferring to my computer, thus..the result of not blogging.
Well, perhaps the first treat we have for Christmas started with giving Joshua's car a good maintainance and a fresh pump up! I mean, just look at his face..His is glowing with cheeky satisfaction! Maintaining a car do remind me a little about going through a facial..getting dirty and painful so that you can be clean and fresh, squeezing the bad stuffs out.
And so happenly they have a resting area for us customers to take a seat in the comfortable, air-conditioned room. And I spotted a cross, sitting up at the corner of the room.
Their awards..which gives me a better impression of them, knowing that my..ok, Joshua's car is in good hands, although I have not much knowledge about cars. No wonder it is so important to have awards.
AND LOOK! A CD player with Sofa..I don't mind if one of my room of my future house is something like that. A Chill Room. Haha..
And the containers are actually seats! Isn't this cool or what!

But I can't handle the seats. It looks nice but I don't think I can seat there for long. I'd rather seat on the sofa with Joshua.
Heavy metal TOOLs!
A new Car!
And Random pictures I took before I went to bed and rest for Standard Charter run.

BUT! A Christmas Event My Church had organized, called SET ME FREE!

I was so excited that Sw actually invited me to be one of the photographers! I AM a PHOTOGRAPHER! (Not pro. PRO in the making!) =)

And I was so dedicated to my JOB! Cause I felt super honoured! Oh yeah!
And to the few whom I invited to the event and turned up, hope you all enjoyed your day! For those who didn't..Oh well..I can try my best to ask Sw if he is willing to upload the movie on Youtube, so at least you guys know what you have missed out.

A band. Themed: Checkered Shirts..
Yesterday, I had my very first Christmas present! From my Students! Oh man! I'm super touched la! I can't believe they bought me a present! They must love me as their teacher! What do I teach? Is a secret at the moment..Muahaha..I should have brought a camera and took a shot of them presenting the present to me. Then you will know how cute they are. =) I love my students! Think I'm starting to like the idea of being a dedicated teacher. =) Not in school though. Just to a few students, so that we can build up a relationship. =)

So, this is the present they bought for me!
And a Baby Stitch is born!
Sasha, don't be jealous. You know I still love you. =)

Hmm..What should I get for them? Oh man! I need to prepare presents! I'm busy today though I'm not working! Tata. Ok Blog Done. Strike out on to do list.

Congrats on a Wedding Day.

I went to a wedding dinner today.
I wasn't working as a waitress, I have no idea where it was and even how the bride and groom looked like not until I met them face to face. All I knew was their names. Jac and Jef. And I was so extremely extremely excited! After all it is my 3rd wedding I'm gonna attend in my entire life and my very FIRST dinner wedding.

People described the dinner as happening, fun activities. Definitely there were lots of laughter and jokes, games etc..
However, the words that came to my head was Touching. Genuine. Sincere. Love.
Maybe as a witness with no friendship connection to any of them allowed me to see beyond the "Hey Friends" the planning, the look good, the catch up session. I was just there as a witness.

Just as when the cell group came up and sang a Jac and Jef's version of the "LoveStory"..and I saw the story being acted out, it touched me. Touched me so much that I begin to tear. Luckily I wasn't the only one. The bride herself teared. But I'm no bride. I'm no one at a wedding. So I quickly wiped away my tear drops. Wouldn't wanna cause a scene do I?

And when I saw the couple came up to sing a song in a language I do not understand. And as they were singing, looking at each other face to face..it seems as though they were singing to each other. And tear drops again. and wiped away.

More than perfect. They are a blessed couple. They found the one. But will it ever happen for me? I'm truely happy for them. And now I understand why people say congratulations on a Wedding Day. Not because Congratulations you are finally married. I've come to realise that it is congratulations, you have found the one. Though I hardly know them, still, "Congratulations"I said. Simply because I know that they are meant to be.

I'm not brave enough to wish for anything. But I will remember how it feels like to know that you have the one. It is a definite cause for celebration. And that's what a wedding is for. That's the purpose of having a wedding. Congratulations to Jac and Jef. =)

Set Me Free!

Set Me Free!
Coming this 19 DECEMBER 2009.
Be there!

Standard Charter 2009

Dangz..the website say that they didn't get a picture of me! And my video..I can't even see myself. Dangz...Oh well..it still does not erase the fact that I ran 10km.



I did some photoshop for Joshua. GOOD JOB ON YOUR 42KM! I like your hair! =)
My ears need some break. Haha..Suddenly I feel like I need some quiet. Have been listening to my mummy..Dangz.