Suicidal

I feel kinda suicidal today. Sorry guys, didn't go to church today even though it is like super near my house. But do you needa reason to feel suicidal? I can't wake up and i have to admit i disabled the alarm..after i realized that i unconsciously snooze until pass 845 am. I feel as though i'm losing control of my body, my mind, even my sleep. I have been sleeping like no one's business but when i wake up, my body's reaction is as though i haven't been sleeping at all like for the entire night, my body has been in distress and not relax and resting. On top of my own bombardment of freaking work i have to do during day time, i guess i gave my mind no rest at all. which explains the state i'm in.

And i got really irritated when cheryl keot playing the same secret song again and again, it drove me nuts that let me storm out of my house. and at that moment, i sense lost..bewildered. Like What the heck am i doing in this life! Argh! She is playing the tune again. I'm gonna become crazt soon. Change the song girl!! Shouldn't i be enjoying! you seriously don't needa be good in your work to enjoy, i guess, i should change my direction. I should enjoy being lousy at what i do. I mean..it is what i do best now..

And while i was having these thoughts and freaking blur me, alighted one stop before esplanade library..thus, i had to walk by foot..walking, walking..with lots of theories, and thoughts hitting all sides of my brain and then i saw!!!!!!this guy in black with white shoes all smiles running towards me like some kind of magical tale, you see your boyfriend running towards you at the moment when you feel so sucky. It is really comforting.. ahh..can't believe it. It is like a miracle.

Well, now that i'm home..not because i wanna go home..ok actually, i think deep inside of me i do wanna go home. i do wanna rest. But on the surface, i do not wanna go back yet. cause it would mean that this day is ending and the routine week is coming tml where i would just look forward to weekends all over again. i wanna get out of the routine. the expectations of the school. then again, i think i'm the culprit who puts much expectation on myself. I'm just not use to the so called year 2 life. Yup.

Anyway, i'm really sorry for not going to church today and miss the great fun games you all had! Tell me about the sermon and the bible study ok!!