Dear Readers..

Dear Readers,

This is my first time not working on a Saturday, as I had the luxury of getting my mum to work on my behalf while I join Joshua in this Port Union Lunch Gathering of sorts..The food was not that bad but also not that fabulous.

While, I'm blogging I'm actually quite worried that my mum is unable to handle the computer herself plus there may be some potential sign up and usually, I'm the one who does the computer thing. Well..it seems like things are going well with my mum. We have 2 new sign up! Suddenly, I'm wondering if the posters I put up will be torn away..Well, I can re-print them and put them up again. =)

So..I shall not worry..
Finally, My mum is able to do it.

Also, I just packed my room. Once again. It seems like I can't keep my room clean constantly. I'll need to have once in a blue moon good clean up. I would say that my clean up is still not that fabulous. Because, I know that the drawers beside me needs cleaning. But no one can see..so..let's not do it for now. Afterall, it is my off day. I should use the time to relax! Wow! It is so great to have a Sat OFF! =)

I'm still hoping for more sign ups at my centre. Somehow, my mind will keep thinking about the centre. Even when I'm on break like now..and then, I will tell myself like right now, not to think about it and enjoy my rest.

Shirley! Enjoy your rest now!

My Sweet Heart can't really grasp the idea that I'm working with a low paying job. (Considered) But I do not mind. Though, now, I'm really feeling the impact of it. Still..I have already signed a contract. A year. I wouldn't feel the impact much if I did not have to give my mum $500 a month. (A clue that my job earns more than $500) Luckily, I'm not a big spender. Phew! What a relief. I would like to go shopping soon though.. =) *winks*

Then again, my room is already crowded! If I buy more things, I'll have to re-think, re-construct my room or something. Aiyah..not too much can le lah.


I have been pondering about a issue. About having a kid..
Working at the centre, I see many kids..I see the joy of having a kid. I see the frustration of having a kid. I understand the cost of having a kid. I am beginning to grasp the burden or better put, the responsibility of having a kid.

You know, as I was younger, I know that I wanted to have a kid on my own. By 19! So that I would be a young mom. Haha..
Truthfully, I have to admit, I did not picture a dad in my mind. And when I thought about having a kid, it was just a baby, toddler, probably max 4-5 years old in my mind. The joy of having a kid was so great then.. I know that I wanted to have one.

This year, 22..Not a kid. THANKFULLY!
It is a financially draining to have a kid. And I wouldn't have been able to have a kid and raise a kid by myself.
I'm just beginning to understand the responsibility of having a kid.
Having a kid, is not having a baby..a toddler, a small 4-5 year old child.
Far longer than that (Reminds me of my email..out of point)
Far longer than that..
Having a Kid, is also having a primary school kid, a secondary kid, a teenager, a young adult..
And looking at my elder sister and my mum's experience of having her kid 'rebelling' against what she thinks is right etc..(Uni education can screw pple up sometimes..but lets not talk about that now..)
Yar.
Having a kid is like having my elder sister.
Having a kid is like having Joshua Chan
Having a kid is like having me.

And the experience does not end.

And so..
I did not refute when Joshua once again states his opposition against having a kid. (I did not say I want to have a kid)
I did not refute when Joshua said what's the point of having a kid.
Indeed, it will never be easy to have a kid.
What's the point of having a kid?
What's the purpose of having a kid?

Probably in many males mind and "modern"(May not be the right term) female..
There is no point of having one. An extra unwanted costly burden.

I agree that it is a costly (1 million to raise up a child)
Burden(Responsibility to make sure that I can teach a child to grow up and be a righteous, upright, loving generous, considerate person...etc and I'm not even half of what I want my child to be..how can my child be like that?)

What's the purpose?
But when I work, I saw the joy of having one.
The joy that maybe all parents may not have..that overshadows all future torment for the child.
I look up to some parents who come with their kids to my centre. I respect them when I see such intimate relationships.

I learn from others..how to not treat their kids badly..

But still, it will never be enough to give a reason to have a kid.

Well, I don't expect to have a kid. Not because I detest having one or see no purpose in having one. I will submit to the one I'm with. For I'm taught to submit. And I believe in submitting. I understand the reasons for not having one. And I can respect that.
Cause I'm serious with finishing life's race with the one I'm with.

I'm also beginning to understand why parents put their hope in their kids. Because it is like a hope of re-living their lives the way they hope to be. (Since you can't turn back time) I use to hate it when parents 'force' their kids to learn something they themselves miss out. And in my mind, I'll ask, why can't they learn themselves and stop forcing what you wanna do on me. I have things that I wanna do too..

My job, not that great a deal of money. At least, I'm learning about relationships. Parents and kids.

Will I ever have a kid next time? I'll never know. Just let things be. I have yet to get my house yet. One step at a time. Maybe when the timing (as in in minds..)is right. Maybe not.
Does it matter? =)
I know I'm not ready.
Beginning to think that I'm naive for thinking I was when I was in my teens.